It's just that I was kind of hoping that it would be a definitive no, not a definitive yes.
In very simple terms the results show that as it stands I have a 23% chance of getting a cancer somewhere else in my body but by giving me chemo this will reduce my risk by a further 30%. You can do the math but it is worth it.
And the money was much better spent on this test than a chin augmentation and a new handbag.
So chemotherapy is my next gig. I start on Thursday and I will have 6 cycles, over 18 weeks.
I really regret not writing this straight after I got the results because my "hey I've just been thrown another big challenge" creative stimulus had me firing with inspiration and so many funny one liners.
But I was very busy after the appt with my oncologist. There is so much stuff to get done, things to read places to go people to see. I can understand why people feel like they need a project manager to organise it. Maybe I can just outsource the whole experience.
I was going to write last night but with Ducatilad only in town for 36 hours I had better things to do late at night and we had consumed a very nice French Bordeaux at dinner (make no apologies for TMI).
So tonight I am just tired, emotionally wrung out and pissed off.
Add to that I have a shocking cough, sore throat and I feel like my body is doing a dress rehearsal for chemo.
Again I am gunning for my good friend denial hoping that she will get me through the next few days as I focus on getting well physically so that my body can cope with the assault it is about to undergo.
But at least I now know that the cocktail of poison that will be delivered to my body will actually be of benefit.
Comfort? Not sure.
I did however take a proactive step in preparation - I went and had a very very short haircut.
Now for those of you who know what I look like, you know that I wear my hair very short and chic. I have been letting it grow until I knew whether I was having chemo or not.Think the hormone therapy has made it thicker and coarser. So off I went today to get the lovely Tara to crop it even shorter than I normally have it. One up from a number one buzz.
Just like I knew that I wanted to have a double mastectomy as soon as I was diagnosed this time, I knew that I didn't want to wait to have my hair fall out in random bits once chemo started.
And no I am not taking preemptive measures anywhere else on my body.
PART 2
Sleep won last night. I had intended signing off with a very pithy closing statement but I interrupted my blogging to watch Puberty Blues. Didn't make it to the end - awoke slumped like a Nana with my headphones in and the adverts on a loop.
I am resting today in my fight against this cough and cold. I think my immune system is crying "enough" so I am trying to listen.I did however take a proactive step in preparation - I went and had a very very short haircut.
Now for those of you who know what I look like, you know that I wear my hair very short and chic. I have been letting it grow until I knew whether I was having chemo or not.Think the hormone therapy has made it thicker and coarser. So off I went today to get the lovely Tara to crop it even shorter than I normally have it. One up from a number one buzz.
Just like I knew that I wanted to have a double mastectomy as soon as I was diagnosed this time, I knew that I didn't want to wait to have my hair fall out in random bits once chemo started.
And no I am not taking preemptive measures anywhere else on my body.
PART 2
Sleep won last night. I had intended signing off with a very pithy closing statement but I interrupted my blogging to watch Puberty Blues. Didn't make it to the end - awoke slumped like a Nana with my headphones in and the adverts on a loop.
No doubt chemo will provide me with many funny moments and great blogging material. It's just at the moment I am struggling to see the funny side.
But I am as always
P xx
Yes the maths makes it worth it.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to see the funny side you know.
x
xx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and wishing you courage for tomorrow. How can we help make the whole process easier?. Much love to you. KL
ReplyDelete