This morning I got up, I packed my suitcase, put on my best relaxation gear and left the house with my partner Ducatilad and my daughter S. This may sound like I was on my way to a lovely holiday but unfortunately there isn't a Club Med ward at the hospital.
Here I am post-op. No boobs, but my brain still works.
This post comes to you from my "F*ck it, I've got Cancer present" - my brand new shiny iPad.
Don't be too impressed, my loyal personal assistant, my daughter S is sitting bedside as I somewhat dictate amidst the pethadine.
The half eaten cous cous with grey steamed green beans and soggy carrots sits on the table as I listen to the ambient sounds of a public hospital ward. To my left, the leaking colostomy bag, and directly across is the relaxing sound of post-op dry wretching as I drift in and out.*
I feel really fortunate. At least my surgical wounds don't make noises.
Remarkably, I feel far less battered than I had expected, but I would venture to guess that my new best friend the pethadine drip has something to do with that.
The overwhelming love, support and well wishing smses have been greatly appreciated and it's been such a comfort knowing how many people are in my corner.
I have just returned from my first trip to the bathroom. The disposable pantaloons really got me feeling the vacation spirit - my underwear seemed to come off very easily.
My pre-op mental training of preparing for the worst has paid off, as I really feel in far better shape than I had expected. Ducatilad spoke to Dr Dave and delivered the very good news that the Tumour was contained in the breast. Unfortunately, the wait for the pathology which will determine any future treatment is expected to be 1-2 weeks but it feels good to know that I've dodged a bullet again.
Dr Dave also says he is very happy with the cosmetic result, although the look I now have may never score me a role on the Shire.
I'm getting tired and the Masterchef finale is coming on soon so I will wrap this up for now.
I haven't ventured to look down at the great unknown and know that I will need to prepare myself for what will no doubt be an emotional unveiling.
But for now, I'm going to settle down with a Twix bar, some reality television, and the anticipation of a slightly unconventional birthday celebration as I turn 49.
* I should note that the nursing care in the public system has been fantastic.