Last hospital night

With a little bit of luck, tonight will be my last night in hospital. Home tomorrow.

 There has been much organising in preparation for my return. My bestie M loves a good project to manage and she has created a spreadsheet with a roster of people to visit, help me out and make sure I am not doing too much. She is the best project manager and friend a post double mastectomy girl can have. 

 I am really overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of so many people who have stepped into my corner to make this whole thing a little less challenging. 

 Today my home was visited by Ethel, who spent 2 hours cleaning so that I would come home to a clean house. A call was put out for people to contribute to a gift for me and due to the amazing generosity of a large number of people I will now have Ethel for the next few months. I think this is the equivalent of getting a nappy service when you first get home from hospital with a newborn. I will thank everyone individually but if you happen to be reading this and you are one of my cleaning angels then from the bottom of my dirty bathroom I say thank you.

 In addition N and I will also be well fed. I will miss the anticipation of lifting the lid of the hospital closh (no idea how to spell it but George used it on Masterchef all the time when he lifted the lid to reveal whatever was under it) to see what delights awaited me. I trust grey steamed brussel sprouts will not be part of any meal that is delivered. 

 The last day in hospital has been a quiet one. Dr Dave popped in again and is still really pleased with my progress. We discussed life, cancer and everything in between. I like his way of using analogies to explain things and his matter of fact way of telling it like it is. He also promised me that having my drains taken out tomorrow wont hurt.
 Sure it won't hurt him, just hope it won't hurt me. Must confess to a little anticipation anxiety. 

 I have worried about N all day today. Just can't help myself. Ducatilad has been taking great care of him but I still feel that I should have been there. Has been tough - tougher than it needed to be. I will be glad to get home and just be able to be there for those incidental conversations that you have with an 18 year old son. 

 I was inspired today by the Olympics and managed to achieve a few personal bests. First was in the solo shower event. I was able to perform the tricky manoeuvre of showering without really looking too closely at your body while balancing the drainage bottles on the sink. And in the slow shuffle around the ward event I clocked two laps in under 5 mins. I actually had to do some extra laps as I struck a deal with the nurse. No blood thinning injection if I stretched my calves and got moving. Both better than gold.

 As I prepare myself for my last sleep in my bed with a view, I have had to say goodbye to Ducatilad. He is catching a plane home tomorrow at 7am and I couldn't hide him in the single hospital bed all night. 

I don't need to make public declarations about what we share but in my letter to Dr Dave you may remember that I stated that I had complete faith in the resilience of those who loved me to deal with whatever we had to. This past 5 days has simply confirmed that. 

He has taken care not only of me but also everyone else who comes as part of my package. I feel treasured and know that to him I am still me in every single way. 

 That is a nice way to be.

 P xx