Monday, 20 August 2012

Easing back in

Well this morning I got up and prepared myself to go into work for the first time.

A little hesitantly I chose a regular work outfit as opposed to long sleeved T's, cardigans and jeans, not sure how it would sit on my new shape. 
Whilst I didn't fill out the top of my dress like I used to I am pleased to say, after a bit of makeup and some lippy I think I looked pretty good and certainly not like someone who has recently had a double mastectomy. 

Those who know me will attest to the fact that I have never been a wearer of outfits that show a lot of cleavage ( mainly because my 688g of breasts didn't give me one) or big boob flasher ( except that time when I was in my early 20's which we wont talk about) and  so I think that most of my clothes are going to be OK  and the difference not that noticeable.

It felt a little strange walking in through the entrance. I know that all of my team and my Division know where I have been, but I am not certain who else knows. I have no issue with people knowing but as often happens you have to deal with their uncomfortableness. 

I didn't actually do any work while I was there, except get my laptop set up so that I can start to work from home. I did talk to quite a few people, let's call that consulting to make it look legit. I also attended a thank you morning tea for staff and volunteers who are part of the organisations new marketing campaign. 

 In another serendipitous connection I actually appear in the commercial. At the time of filming I think I knew that I had the lump, but certainly didn't think it was of real concern. Funny how my first day back at work  had me sitting watching myself being part of publicly promoting the work that we do. 
Now I have to confess here that despite the almost hour and a half of filming that they did, I actually only appear for about 3 seconds - but what what a fantastic  3 seconds they are.

In one of those  "I  feel like sharing my story" moments I did chat to the producer and tell him that it all had a much closer connection for me now, given that in the time since filming I had been diagnosed and operated on. Yes he was shocked and also amazed at how well I look.

What I am starting to notice is that once people know that  I have had a double mastectomy, they do do this funny sort of furtive glance down towards my chest.  Kind of the reverse of having people perve at your tits ( not that I had had a lot of that happening in the past 10 or so years) 
In an ambush moment I may just be tempted to flash. Don't say you weren't warned!

By about 12 o'cock I was ready to go home. I am still surprised at how tired I get when I am out. I am not liking it, but I am trying to listen to my body. 
I felt very cared for by everyone and not at all guilty about the fact that I am taking it slowly.
Got home and crashed it on the couch for 2 hours. 

Tomorrow I will log on to my laptop and begin the process of catching up with what's in my in box -no doubt the delete button will get a good workout.

Have now tried to write a closing sentence about 10 times. Just not happening so I am giving up.

But I still am as always

P xx

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