Wednesday, 22 August 2012

One month on

Hard to believe that 4 weeks ago I was aware that I had no breasts but couldn't bring myself to look at it, was relying on painkillers to get me through, had 2 drains, 2 IV cannulas, oxygen prongs up my nose, disposable undies up my bum and not sure how I was even going to make it to the loo.  

And here I am now almost pain free, able to look at myself in the mirror and kind of feel OK with it, driving, starting back at work, looking like nothing has happened but still with the occasional undie up my bum.

Feeling quite exhausted tonight. A combination of not sleeping all that well last night -  the lovely menopausal hot flushes have decided to visit again, a late night writing  text for N's HSC Visual Art major work and no Nana nap. 

Finding getting my head back into work  a little more difficult than I expected. Feels like I am in work la la land. ( have no idea where that came from ).  I'm pretty much an all or nothing sort of person, so this dabbling with my work is a bit of a challenge. Sort of back but not. And I get tired. Guess it will take a little while to navigate my way back. 

But as predicted the delete  button did get a good workout yesterday as I tackled my in box.

 Amazing how life just goes on whether you answer your emails  or not.

Tomorrow is the appointment with the medical oncologist to look at options regarding further treatment.  The big question will be whether poisoning my whole body is going to make a significant difference to preventing some rogue cancer cell going feral somewhere else in my body. I think that's an accurate reinterpretation of the  medical stuff I have read in preparation.  

It will be good to get a decision made. Whatever that may be.

I promised Ducatilad that I would have an earlier night so am afraid this is all I have to offer one month on from the day that so much, yet so little,* changed because

I am as always

P xx
* not sure about the use of those commas

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