Visitors

Sunday afternoon and I have just finished watching Forrest Gump. Why that movie?

Well my sisters-in-law from Perth have been visiting me and we were talking about favourite movies. Forrest Gump made the list. I haven't watched it for ages so just decided it was a good way to spend an afternoon resting up from a big few days.

OK I forgot that Jenny dies at the end (but not from cancer) - so another little cry was had.

I have been quiet (well no postings but not really quiet) for the past few days as I have spent time with the said sisters - Aunty Anne as she is affectionately known and Becca.

Funny how life has a way of presenting you with what you need when you need it. We had been talking about having a girls weekend in Sydney for  a while and finally got schedules lined up and on the 2nd July they booked to come to me on the  16th August.

4 days later I was diagnosed. So the planned trip couldn't have come at a better time. 

Something to look forward to, I would be on the road to recovery and I would get spoilt and have some family around.

They arrived on Thursday night bringing much needed family connections and spoil me they did.

We had a fantastic few days - I did of course do a bit too much but am getting much better at being  honest enough to say I have had enough and slip home for a little lie down.

We ate far too much and drank about the same amount.

As I was sipping on my (not going to admit to the number) glass of mulled wine I had a rather liberating thought. You know that link between red wine and breast cancer?  Doesn't really apply to me anymore. No breasts, no breast cancer.  So I can now fill that glass of red guilt free. Gotta be some benefits to having no boobs.

It was a good distraction having them here and certainly lifted my mood from last week. But it is a  funny thing this cancer stuff - it consumes my thoughts nearly every waking moment. But I am not sure if that would be the case if I was  recovering from  major surgery for any disease and my surgical wounds reminded me all the time of what I had had done.

I guess the difference is that while my wounds will heal, I will never look the same.

I wonder how long it will take for me to look in the mirror and just see me?

But I am starting to get used to it. It surprises me a little that I am  not more self-conscious when I go out - but I know that most people would have no idea that rather than looking a little flat chested I am in fact  completely without anything there. Except for this weird bit of rib on my right side that sticks out and makes me look a bit like a prepubescent girl with those little buds we all got before we got real boobs - remember that happening?

The pain is getting better and Dr Dave was right about the sandpaper feeling being caused by the skin being very dry - moisturising helps a lot. I can also lift both my hands above my head and almost sleep on my side. Big achievements.

Tomorrow I begin the process of re-entering the real world - work.

 As I have mentioned before I work for a large cancer organisation so I am very fortunate that I have a  supportive work environment so it will be a gradual return to work. Tomorrow I am having my laptop set up so that I can work from home for the first week.  

It is amazing. I haven't even checked my emails (work that is) since I have been off and it is a very good lesson.
We are not indispensable, and the world will continue if some projects need to get pushed back a little, or someone does things a little different to the way you may do it or if we have to give up control over things or even that emails don't get answered immediately. I have been able to let it go and that has certainly helped me focus on just recovering. 
I am very grateful to my manager and the rest of my team.

So here it is again late on a Sunday night and I am still trying to get this finished. 
Have skped with my mum in Perth  and daughter S in Brisbane, been to the supermarket, cooked dinner, talked to Ducatilad and helped N write some rhyming lines for his HSC Visual Arts work. Been busy.

Hard to believe that this time last week I was waiting to see Dr Dave to get the pathology results. This week I have an appt with the medical oncologist because of those results.

Who knows what I will get at that appt  but as Forrest Gump says "life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get" (but I am really hoping that chemo isn't one of the flavours in my box).

Sleep has been calling for the past 30 minutes - time to listen.

So I am as always


P xx